in the cold dark earth, no grave can hold my body down [Voice Test]

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

It had been a long shift with a lot of johns and more of Cheng than Kavinsky really wanted to think about. At least it had only been Cheng this time, but the reminder of him was a reminder of Ronan, and Kavinsky could do without that being on his periphery at any given second.

Ostensibly, he ought to be heading back to his apartment. No one had picked him up for the night, which meant he had what he'd made from dancing, and that was it. An alright turn out, but the tips had been smaller than normal, and Kavinsky just wanted a little more cushion. Not that, if he ever got home, he could do anything with this money. But it was a nice dream.

He was aware that someone was following him by a shadow shifting, but he just kept walking, humming a new strain of a song to himself. Maybe it was just someone headed the same way. Hopefully it wasn't Cheng.

Comments

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

Kavinsky let out a breath of a laugh. Agency. He was barely past eighteen and he'd been here in this city, without anyone that cared, for months. But this job was agency. Dancing, going with johns, that was all his decisions, his consent.

Once he was naked, he tumbled playfully back in the bed. He pushed back the bedspread, and then wound himself in the sheet, slinking toward the edge to reach for Poison, to pull him close.

Once upon a time, a world away, Kavinsky had laid in a bed not unlike this and reached for someone else. That was different than this.

[exterminate_the_dream]

He offered a deadpan look in response to the laugh. He didn't want to be made to feel ridiculous. Kavinsky's playful tumble, the way he rolled, made Poison's eyes glaze over for a moment; he remembered someone else.

No.

He moved into Kavinsky's reach, looking down when a hand brushed his hip. His hand dropped, touching his cheek, his neck.

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

Kavinsky didn't let nerves creep in as Poison touched him. He had said his hard limit. Everything else was negotiable, or for a price. So he let Poison touch him, his face, his neck. He leaned in and pushed up his shirt enough to kiss his stomach gently, then down, down, down to the fly of his pants. He opened the button and pulled the fly down with his mouth, his lips and teeth and tongue. It was nothing. A trick he'd picked up at some point along the way.

[exterminate_the_dream]

Once his pants were open, Poison pulled back. He looked down at Kav's face, staring for a moment, hand still resting against his jaw. He was-- his face prompted a weird mix of memories. And if he let them blur together, they could be this face. Maybe.

He sat down on the edge of the bed next to Kavinsky, tried to clear his head again. "You dream things like Lynch does, don't you?" People talked a lot around him. Sometimes they forgot he was even around. He liked it that way.

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

The overt mention of Lynch almost made Kavinsky get out of bed. It was one thing to bring things up in a sort of oblique way that implied the association, but something so bald felt like a threat, maybe.

Kavinsky kept his face still and receptive and kind. He swallowed a little, nervous.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

[exterminate_the_dream]

"I think you do. People talk, I listen. I don't mishear."

Poison was aware that most of what he said sounded like a threat, veiled or otherwise. He stared at the floor. "If you are that, maybe you can do something for me. And if you aren't - which I believe is a lie - fine. Either way, we can get on with it."

He looked at Kavinsky. "I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here on my time."

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

"Are you going to give me fair warning for when you aren't here on your own time?" Kavinsky asked. His accent got a touch thicker with worry, but he kept an open, easy expression because even though Poison was only barely looking at him, he was still touching him.

He had not dreamt for someone else in ages. Not since Henrietta. Not since trying to--

"What can I do for you, Poison?"

[exterminate_the_dream]

"There's a drug I used to take. I ran out. I don't know if it's possible for someone to recreate something like that without ever having been on it. But I want it."

Poison watched Kavinsky after that, wondering if it can even be done. What reference point would he even have, beyond what Poison could tell him? Maybe that wasn't enough for a dream thing.

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

Kavinsky was silent for a moment. His brain worked, a miserable machine that knew he could do this, but wasn't sure if he wanted to. Was this what he was, in whispered corners of this city? A quiet creator of miserable pastime because he would never get that monkey off his back, more and more so as time went on.

"It would take a while," he said. Tried not to sound put out that this social call was because he was maybe more reputable than Ronan Lynch. "You'd have to tell me everything you know and remember about it. But it would take me time."

[exterminate_the_dream]

"I have nothing but time here. And I need it."

Maybe that wasn't true, but he didn't want to go back to before. Too many memories, too many feelings.

Poison looked at Kavinsky's face, then reached, rather gentle as he guided his chin. He kissed him. "Tell me what the boyfriend experience is. Again."

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

Kavinsky didn't know how to say that he didn't think he could make it now. And even if he could, there was always the risk that he might bring something else back.

He tilted his head up sweetly, obediently, and opened his mouth to the kiss. It was so brief. He tried not to think that he thought he might prefer the pornstar experience.

"Kissing. Face to face. Condom's voluntary."

[exterminate_the_dream]

Voluntary. Poison probably wouldn't take that risk even if someone assured him it was safe.

"And the other one?"

He'd been listening the first time, but now that Kavinsky was naked, wrapped in a sheet, and he was sitting here with his pants undone, he supposed it didn't hurt to review his options.

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

"Pornstar experience," Kavinsky said. Poison was still touching him, gentle and exploratory, and Kavinsky tried to think about what traits were important there. Instead, he said, "What it says on the tin. Basically use me however you want. My specialties include deepthroat and a high...high pain tolerance. Condom's required. We use a safeword, because I won't say no to anything you want. Unless saying no is part of what you want. Then we definitely use a safeword."

[exterminate_the_dream]

"I don't hurt people in my free time," he said blandly. "I don't think I'm interested in that." He considered a moment. "But a safe word might be good anyway." Because he didn't know what he might do if he got too far into his head; too far into his feelings. Hopefully it wouldn't come up.

"Is there anything you like? Or are you just going to try to tell me what you think I want to hear?"

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

Kavinsky wanted to point out that this was not, in fact, free time. He kept his mouth shut because he was not stupid. He licked his lips.

"Not about hurting," he said. "About me being what you want me to be. What you need me to be. You don't have to hurt anyone for that. But, whatever you want, I'll make it good."

What did he like? He liked a boy slightly older than him, dusty hair and intense eyes and sinuous hands. He liked being held. He liked laughing during sex; he missed laughing during sex.

He said none of these things. "I like a lot of things. And I will like what we do."

[exterminate_the_dream]

Poison rubbed his forehead. What the fuck was he doing here? WHat the fuck was he looking for? "I want you to blindfold me. And if I call you about another name, just... don't fucking mention it," he sighed.

He shouldn't be doing this. But he was going to. Some itch needed scratching and he didn't have the drugs to make himself forget it.

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

"I wouldn't dream of mentioning it," Kavinsky said. He knew discretion well. He knew lies and truths lived too close together in everyone's chest.

He rose from the bed and went to a closet set on the side wall. There were costumes there, things he didn't care for. Finally, he came up with an eyemask. He held it up with one finger, and stepped back over.

"You'll be more comfortable on the bed." And, with that, Kavinsky slipped the blindfold onto Poison and supposed they were finally beginning.

[exterminate_the_dream]

Poison accepted the blindfold and took a moment, then eased back onto the bed more. He paused to kick his boots off. "Something between the first thing you offered and the last," he said, by way of making any kind of request. The blindfold helped, weirdly, take an edge off. He closed his eyes under it.

He waited a breath, let his mind wander further away. What was he doing?

"How was your day?" he asked.

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

It was such a domestic question, friendly even, and it hurt, deep under his skin. Kavinsky was happy to not have eyes on him for this. He had a suspicion that he was going to be a mess in his expression, and he was glad that would only be for him.

"It was good," he said. He tried to soak the accent out of his voice, tried to sound for generic. He climbed back into the bed and curled against Poison, straddling his thigh. His fingers smoothed through his light hair, and he leaned in to kiss his neck. "Errands mostly, until work."

[exterminate_the_dream]

It hurt; the voice wasn't right, but it-- it could be. "Next time you ask me to play hooky and take a bath, I might." Poison's hand slid over his neck and he turned his head, cheek pressed against his head. He smelled good... even if that wasn't quite right either. He could forget. He could pretend.

"Even if you say my hair's gonna fall out." A faint grin touched his voice, his mouth. He slid his knee higher, pressing his thigh up between his legs.

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

Something tripped in Kavinsky's chest. He kept his touch, his kisses going. Poison shifted his leg, and Kavinsky rode along with it, breathing against his skin.

"Gotta get you a better conditioner," he murmured, putting a smile into his voice, which meant it was on his lips, and Poison would feel it on his skin. "Like your hair too much for it to all fall out."

[exterminate_the_dream]

"The risk of bleaching it, I guess. If it falls out you'll just have to make due with polishing my head." He shivered under Kavinksy's breath, his hand impressively gentle one the back of his head, gently tangled in his hair. He turned his head more, pressed a kiss to his hair, his jaw.

His other hand slid down his back, grabbing his ass to pull their bodies tighter together.

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

He laughed, a breath of one. And then, Poison was turning. Then his mouth was so close to his, and Kavinsky sighed around the laugh, let it go quiet into a little moan as Poison hitched him close.

He wound his arms around Poison's shoulders and he dropped a series of kisses on his face, and then on his mouth. "I'd hate to see it all go, though. Better take care of it or I'll have nothing to hold onto."

[exterminate_the_dream]

He turned his head to meet the kisses, his hands gently tightening as Kavinsky's arms wound around him. "I missed you today," he murmured, right before he bumped into a kiss. Poison moved, rolling them so he could press Kavinsky into the bed, still careful. He pressed his thigh firmly between his legs, urging movement. He liked feeling the hitch of his hips.

[pravila_za_mechtateli]

Something in Kavinsky's chest ached. He felt for this man, missing someone else, and when Poison tumbled him, he went over quite willingly. He was missing someone too, after all. But his eyes were not shielded to the fact that this was not the boy he loved.

"It's okay," he whispered. His hips lifted, rubbing against Poison's thigh filthily. "I'm right here. Nothing to miss."